sappy post for only you to understand

A Disclaimer for you, BB: I have yet to develop a style of blog-writing about *feelings* that does not inevitably spiral out of control into insane sappy emotion-land. For some reason, I can be snarky about just about everything–except when it comes to things like the beauty in poetry, how much I love my friends, and other things about which I seemingly cannot help but be completely, unabashedly passionate about. I do sincerely apologize for this, and let it be known that I’m working on it. Until then, I’ll warn you when I’m about to lay on the sap. Like, for instance, now.

Here’s a song I found for you. I love this girl. And her topknot. And this song. Someday perhaps I’ll write a companion piece called Goodbye L.A. (Covered in Shit). It will be dedicated to you, obviously.

And I tried to be a girl who likes to be used,
I’m too good for that, there’s a mind under this hat.

Remember when you showed me this one? I listened to it over and over again while I drank wine in my bathtub, trying not to drown in my thoughts. With each repeated chorus I worked up a little more courage to leave. I still can’t listen to it without being transported back to that exact moment in time. And the feeling that I had: that I am way luckier to have the amazing people in my life that I do, than I am unlucky for having some of the shitty ones stick around too long. Just in case I don’t tell you it enough: I love you. Thank you for being there, then and always.

Surviving PHX

dearest betty,

Sometimes I get the idea that I could have a blog entirely devoted to.. ideas for blogs. Seriously. I’ve blogged about this before. Grad school is making me realize that I’m one of those “starter” people–you know, those “dreamers” who are visionary but can’t always quite follow through? That’s what we have “finishers” for. I know there are directional names for these things that we learned in strange CY language–does this make me a West? South? I can’t remember for the life of me. You get what I’m saying.

Anyway, coming up with the ideas for blogs is way more fun than actually following through with researching, writing, coming up with the pictures for, etc. etc. posts. Right? Right. In my head, yes. Writing a blog post is overwhelming and stressful. Of course, this could be my grad school mind, which of course tells me that *everything* is overwhelming and stressful. Or at least has the potential to be. Anyway.

Some ideas I’ve had for blogs lately, which I will now just tell you about instead of attempting to create and inevitably become overwhelmed by:

Surviving PHX. In which one reluctant graduate school transplant attempts to make the most of her time in the desert. The trials, the tribulations, the heat. The constant aimless wandering in hopeless pursuit of culture, nearly always ending at the arthouse movie theater.

A Toast to Single Gals. Though I can’t actually take credit for the name, I can say the idea was inspired by this hipster mama’s blog feature. It would be an ode to both my obsession with things on toasted bread* as well as how much I love being single/my single ladies.

Dissertation Ideas. Self-explanatory. Here’s where things get pretty meta.. an idea for a blog on my blog about ideas for blogs about ideas… for my future dissertation. Do you follow? This is how my brain works now. The bottom line: beware what feminist theory can do to one’s thought patterns.

Reminiscent. Subtitle: I miss my friends. The good ones–all of whom are very far away from me. Every single day. And I’m constantly seeing and thinking things that remind me of them. Here would be a way I could consolidate all those things. Perhaps it would also make me feel slightly less far away from them.

There are so many, many more floating around in my head at any given moment, but you get the idea. These things are way more fun to think about than, say “Street Children and political violence: a socio-demographic analysis of street children in Rwanda” or Sex Trafficking: The Global Market in Women and Children, both of which are readings this week for my Youth and Justice class. (Speaking of blog ideas.) Thus, I share my fun thoughts with you. Actually, I have a feeling that most of my future posts will revolve in some way around these general themes, as they have sort of been what’s dictating my life as of late: learning to love where I live, being happy alone, grad school, and remembering those who love me even though they aren’t here with me all the time. This way, I can have tons of “blogs” all combined into one, happy, informative and insightful blog for your viewing pleasure. And my sanity. Stay tuned.

xoxoxoxo, dd.

*I was eating so much banana-peanut butter-honey toast last month I had to stop buying bread. Literally. I was growing toast handles. The economy-sized jar of Nutella also had to be hidden in the back of my cupboard, where it remains, as I fight the good fight trying to pretend it doesn’t exist.

library visit

dearest BB,

i went to the public library yesterday as a sort of rite of passage of living in a new city. i was fully prepared to judge the entire town by the friendliness of the librarians, the accessibility of the place, the resources available, and, let’s be real, if it was aesthetically pleasing. i was not disappointed on any front! it was pretty and functional, the folks who worked there, despite being typically old, were shockingly friendly and helpful, and the place even comes with its OWN cafe and (cheap cheap CHEAP) used bookstore inside. is this how the L.A. library was, where you spent so many hours, yet where i managed to set nary a foot inside? (a fact i lament often, and which i think is indicative of my entire experience of that godforsaken place) also, i got a very pretty library card–you got to chose between four card designs rendered by local artists. so, spending $.50 overall, i got a nice stack of new media, some of which i actually own, and some local art. and it’s biking distance from my house. score. how’s your local library?